the art of boredom
Month
When I started traveling for work, it meant flying to the occasional event in a smaller city, where I would stand for hours behind a six-foot-long table, smiling and handing out countless pork buns, the dish that—for better or worse—my Momofuku restaurants are known for.
Back then, I thought I had my air travel game down. I’d get to the airport as early as I could in an attempt to score an exit row or bulkhead seat—the first class of the common man. Then I would make a beeline for the departure gate so I could hunt down the best spot in which to wait.
The best seat in the terminal for coach-class flyers is the one closest to an open outlet, so you can charge whatever electronic distractions you’re bringing on board with you. It’s also facing the gate, so when your plane is interminably delayed, and you’re nearly unconscious from a combination of dehydration, frustration and exhaustion, if you manage to open your eyes a slit, you can see if the passengers who still have the ability to decipher the departure announcements are piling up around your gate.
I felt tough, like I’d hacked coach flying. But a few years ago—in part because I had to feed pork buns to a lot more people in a lot more places and in part because we decided to open Momofuku restaurants in other countries—I joined that group of people I used to stare down contemptuously as they breezed through check-in: first-class travelers.
I changed my disdainful tune pretty fast. In first class, there’s acres of legroom and endless Champagne, and they never, ever tell you to stop typing on your BlackBerry—even during takeoff! It’s full of surprises. The first time I flew first class on Emirates, headed to the other side of the globe, I saw that it’s Bye Bye Burkas! at 30,000 feet. Not only did the women on the flight shed their coverings—they were dripping in brand-name accessories. Unbelievable. I celebrated by watching every season of “The Wonder Years,” which was, rather miraculously, available on my private television set. I never wanted that flight to end.
Thousands more miles in the air have made me more discerning. Now that I travel enough—too much for someone who, if there were more justice in the universe, would be kept chained behind a stove—I know that the best part of first class isn’t on the plane. It’s in the airport, in the airline lounges.
When I travel, I don’t actually spend enough time in any place to relax and stretch out. I do meetings and events and maybe have a fancy dinner with people I don’t know, and then I go right back to the airport for hours or even days of travel. It’s at the airport that I have a chunk of free time.
I’ve spent enough time in airports to have learned that domestic lounges leave something to be desired—at least, now that I’ve left behind the days of getting blackout drunk for long flights. The liquor served in lounges in other countries is of far better provenance.
The Virgin Atlantic lounge in Heathrow Airport has its own hot tub, massage therapists and barbershop. I got my hair cut there once, and they made a big deal about some kind of bumblebee being behind it. Later, a friend told me they were talking about Bumble and Bumble, a fancy brand of salons and hair products. Sometimes I don’t even know how impressed I should be.
British Airways has a great lounge in Heathrow, too. I love how the amenities—all of which are incredibly posh—are limited only to passengers traveling at the appropriate level of first-class-ness. They card passengers like they’re 16-year-olds trying to buy beer. “I’m sorry, sir, you didn’t pay $25,000 for your ticket, so you can’t pass through this door.” It’s a pissing contest for the privileged. I bet you can get your monocle repaired there if you’ve got enough miles stocked up.
And the food! I was in a fancy Qantas lounge in Sydney that offered a menu by Neil Perry, who is possibly Australia’s most famous chef. I thought, Why not? And it wasn’t just good for airport food—I wanted to push my way into the kitchen and see if there was a full brigade back there, with chef Perry standing over them yelling at them.
But the best airport eating is to be had in Japan Airlines’ spot in Narita International Airport—also probably the best lounge I’ve ever disgraced the inside of. Hell, the food in Narita’s food courts is better than it is at 90% of Japanese restaurants in the States, but the lounge food is especially worth seeking out.
And the amenities: I showered there once when I was traveling through (not even to) Japan, and realized that I have stayed in hotels boasting constellations of stars that were less comfortable and luxurious than that airport lounge. I also learned never to underestimate the restorative power of a shower while traveling.
It was a practical revelation, but also a sad one: I’ve become a travel snob. All the things I thought I’d one day be a snob about—transcendental authors, sports history, obscure rock ‘n’ roll records—and here I am, a pampered jet-setter.
It’s even sadder that I still look like a bum—frayed black Converse sneakers, bloodshot eyes, a tattered gym bag of belongings strapped to me—and act like a cook.
Speaking of which, I’d like to close with a note to the tall, elegant woman who was dressed in expensive-looking head-to-toe white and who flew KLM first class from the Netherlands to New York during fashion week last year: I have no idea how I managed to board the plane in the Amsterdam-induced fog I was in, or how I was able to knock your cranberry juice all over you even though our seats were so far apart.
My offer to pay for your dry cleaning still stands.
FYI - Our company policy is everyone flies coach & this goes all the way to the TOP.
One day?
Some of my favorite Pitti shots by Mr. Mort. Wasn’t too excited about all the other peacock shit though..
An article in today’s WSJ on how velvet slippers have become popular again.
Still waiting to bust out my Del Toro’s.
Jerry Saltz on Why the Work of Today’s Well-Educated Artists Lacks Content — New York Magazine (via photographsonthebrain)
Also applies to other industries as well.. *cough* fashion/menswear..
A friend of mine is currently in the midst of a potential career change and I asked him if he wouldn’t mind writing about it on HTTTGAP since I get quite a few questions regarding the pros and cons of working in the fashion industry or switching careers. I am not sure if this is going to be a series because that’s up to him…
“That’s a beautiful tie. Is that the trend now, a skinnier tie?” He asked this as he held up his own tie: a scaly pink and green monster that was probably as wide as the forehead of the Dorado fish I assume it was supposed to resemble.
“Well, skinny ties were popular for a bit, even as skinny as this,” I explained as I held up the blade of my own. “But now 3 inches is the generally accepted width (Yeah! Lawrence/the internet would be proud, I thought to myself).”
The interviewer went on for a bit about his enormous tie collection, and offered me a laughably small bottle of water. I’ve probably had more blood drawn than the amount of water in that, what, Poland Spring? Smart Water? I couldn’t even read the print on the label.
His tie-gression allowed me a moment to think about the fashion agency I was currently freelancing at. In comparison to where I was now, the small talk there gravitated toward subjects like Rick Ross’s titties, and the proverbial water cooler there was actually a mini-fridge provided by an ironically hip beer brand stuffed with their product. Our mission there was basically to represent brands that we collectively believed were awesome, and to produce the platforms upon/through which other people could realize why our brands were the fucking shit. Perks included steezy stah’ls before they were in sto’s, free booze and food, getting into events whose attendees would normally glare at me before spitting in my general direction, and being surrounded by phenomenally talented, creative, and good-looking people.
I tuned back in to the interviewer as he was describing the office culture there. “We’re pretty casual here. We all wear jeans on Fridays.”
“Strictly ocean treatment and the 2 inch cuff! Ooh baby I like it rawwwww!!!”
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, that was supposed to be in my head.”
My wind wandered again to the after-work environment this potential job would involve. It had been a while since I had seen a pitcher of Bud Lite on a sticky table surrounded by bros who made the conscious fashion choice of untucking one shirt-tail to denote their drunken intentions/money. The Jager hats that busted/busty shot girls passed out adorned their conservative haircuts, and each shot of whatever the Thursday night special was would result in a further 10-15 degree rotation of their prized crowns. God willing it would not be February or March, when guttural brays would peal through the clammy air exhibiting the war-crier’s allegiance to regions and states that upset my stomach — places like Ohio (why?), Maryland (how?), and Connecticut (shudder).
Then the interviewer told me my potential salary.
Money. The one thing that beginning a career in fashion cannot provide.
It was steez vs. cheese; bein’ trilla vs. gettin’ dat scrilla; clothing racks vs. racks on racks on racks; getting into cool events and shamefully asking the bartender what the cheapest beer was in a whisper vs. making money and…whatever that means, which since I’ve never made any I can’t even being to know what that entails.
strugglingtobeheard:cliffordcorrupt:
‘As the mainstream media continues to be obsessed with Anthony Weiner and his bizarre adventures on Twitter, much more serious events are happening around the world that are getting very little attention. In America today, if the mainstream media does not cover something it is almost as if it never happened. Right now, the worst nuclear disaster in human history continues to unfold in Japan , U.S. nuclear facilities are being threatened by flood waters, the U.S. military is bombing Yemen, gigantic cracks in the earth are appearing all over the globe and the largest wildfire in Arizona history is causing immense devastation. But Anthony Weiner, Bristol Palin and Miss USA are what the mainstream media want to tell us about and most Americans are buying it.
In times like these, it is more important than ever to think for ourselves. The corporate-owned mainstream media is not interested in looking out for us. Rather, they are going to tell us whatever fits with the agenda that their owners are pushing.
That is why more Americans than ever are turning to the alternative media. Americans are hungry for the truth, and they know that the amount of truth that they get from the mainstream media continues to decline.The following are 12 things that the mainstream media is being strangely quiet about right now….’
Just reblog this straight as a link, so that it doesn’t mess up (just a heads up)
#1 The crisis at the Fort Calhoun nuclear facility in Nebraska has received almost no attention in the national mainstream media.
#2 Most Americans are aware that the U.S. is involved in wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya. However, the truth is that the U.S. military is also regularly bombing Yemen and parts of Pakistan.
#3 The crisis at Fukushima continues to get worse. Arnold Gundersen said: “Fukushima is the biggest industrial catastrophe in the history of mankind”
#4 Members of Congress continue to mention Christians as a threat to national security.
#5 China’s eastern province of Zhejiang has experienced that worst flooding that it has seen in 55 years.
#6 Thanks to the Dodd-Frank Act, over the counter trading of gold and silver is going to be illegal starting on July 15th.
#7 All over the world, huge cracks are appearing for no discernible reason.
#8 According to U.S. Forest Service officials, the largest wildfire in Arizona state history has now covered more than 500,000 acres.
#9 There are reports that North Korea has tested a “super EMP weapon” which would be capable of taking out most of the U.S. power grid in a single shot.
#10 All over the United States, “active shooter drills” are being conducted in our public schools. Often, most of the students are not told that these drills are fake.
#11 NASA has just launched a “major” preparedness initiative for all NASA personnel. NASA’s own website
#12 Over the past week over 40 temporary “no fly zones” have been declared by the FAA.
Yes, It Is a Police State | The Freeman | Ideas On Liberty (via wreckandsalvage)
It’s only Tuesday (well Wednesday now) and already there’s too much shit to swallow for the week.
United Gestapo of America. I can’t even deal with this country anymore.
Big Sean — Memories, Pt. 2 (feat. John Legend)
Took me a while to finally listen to the whole album, but damn it’s good. Full of feel good summer anthems.